Change is intellectually simple. It's a utopia of rational thinking and simple application of the same.
Want to change the shape of your body? Most likely a straight forward change to your nutritional and exercise habits is all that is required.
Want to improve your relationship with someone? Have a conversation with them and explain what you might want to see in them and what they might want to see in you.
Want to follow that dream of taking up xyz hobby or interest or job? In the spirit of Nike, just do it.
But of course if it was this easy we would all be living more of the lives we think we would want to and less of the lives that we come to regret or even resent.
So what goes wrong?
Fundamentally we are not very rational creatures at all. We are driven primarily by our emotions while our intellect sits their justifying our emotional behaviours. Rational responses weigh in badly against our emotional needs, think of a fly weight fighter taking on a super heavy weight.
Change is uncomfortable because it requires us to remodel our map of ourselves, or of others or of the world. This means we have to let the parts of us go that don't serve the new model otherwise we simply won't make the change and this is at minimum an uncomfortable process and at times, down right painful.
This understandable desire to avoid discomfort prevents us taking effective action until our current circumstances are uncomfortable enough to outweigh the effort required to change. And this is invariably a sign that our emotional side has finally caught up with the rational part. To paraphrase White Goodman from the movie Dodgeball, you finally hate yourself enough to do something about it.
So what can we do?
Recognise that the desire to not want to change is powerful and quite normal, this doesn't let us off the hook but helps us build a compassionate angle to build from rather than writing ourselves off as helpless failures.
Become mindful to your feelings regarding the areas in your life you would like to change and the feelings that are dissuading you from taking action, for example you hate your job but you fear that grass won't be any greener somewhere else.
Set small steps or goals towards making changes that aren't so emotionally terrifying. For example, if you want a new job perhaps start looking at job ads, or refresh your CV. You don't have to conqueror the whole goal at once, and in all likely hood you wont be able to anyway. It will seem overwhelming and the emotional side of you will cruise to victory, leaving your rational side justifying how you weren't ever qualified for that job anyway.
So in summary, be kind to yourself, be a detective to your patterns, take small steps. You might be amazed what happens.
Let me know if any of this resonates with you and if you want support with effecting meaningful and successful change in your life send me a message or join me at one of my workshops.
See you soon :)
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